Mainstream Movies SUCK! » Bad Movies

Hannah Montana bitchslaps Jessica Alba

Enrique — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 08:35:43 +0000

Update: Looks like I was way off on Hannah Montana. Estimates point to almost $30-fucking-million opening weekend. I was a lot closer on The Eye, which has an estimatd $13mil.

I was actually floored when I saw the Friday box office estimates. Coming completely out of nowhere, the concert movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds took in an estimated $8.6million on Friday, which puts the whole weekend at around $20million (and that’s accounting for Super Bowl fallout).

The surprise (for me at least) is that it beat out Jessica Alba-starrer The Eye, which took in a pathetic (by ANY standards) $4.9mil on Friday (for a weekend estimate of $11mil). For a movie, especially a concert movie, that has had little to no mainstream media advertising (I didn’t know about this movie until 5 days ago… I haven’t seen any commercials, posters, billboards, ANYTHING) to beat out a Jessica Alba movie, regardless of how good it is, by almost twice as much earnings is astounding.

Check this out, I’m going to take this level of astonishment one level higher… you ready? Hannah Montana made twice as much on Friday even though it only released in ONE-FOURTH as many theatres as The Eye! That’s right, it made 6 times as much money per theatre! If that ain’t a bitch slap to Jessica Alba’s face, I don’t know what is.

A peak over at RottenTomatoes.com shows that… *gasp!* … Hannah Montana might even be a better movie than The Eye (87% vs. 26% freshness rating, respectively)!

Maybe this will be the wake up call that Jessica Alba sorely needs. She’s been harping on and on about being taken serious, about wanting to be a better actress, and yet she keeps taking shit roles. I honestly can’t say if she’s a good actress or not because she’s yet to come through. I saw glimpses of talent in some of her unknown movies, but those were done years ago. Like Ari Gold told her in Entourage, “Let’s get you out of those leotards.”

And the nominees are…

Enrique — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:30:16 +0000

No, I’m not talking about the Oscars. Fuck the Oscars. I’m talking about the Razzies! The Golden Raspberry Foundation has just released their nominees for the Golden Raspberry… aka the Razzie.

Striking a chord among blogs is the fact that Lindsay Lohan, despite playing a stripper in I Know Who Killed Me and thus satisfying the urges of millions of males who crave some “I was a lot hotter in Mean Girls but now I’m wearing less clothes” action, has snatched not one but TWO nominations for Worst Actress, ironically for playing twins in IKWKM. And also ironically, she had her first sex scene (site NSFW) in it, which I guess went unnoticed because hardly anyone saw the movie!

Also an interesting outcome, Eddie Murphy’s nominations for Worst Actor AND Worst Supporting Actress (first time I think it’s happened?), as well as for Worst Screen Couple (with himself… twice), all coming from his work on Norbit.

Overall I think this year’s Razzies will be one to watch. If memory serves me, the last few Razzies have had too many clear winners (like when Basic Instinct 2 had 12 nominations). This year, it looks pretty spread out.

Oh, and one last sidenote, the Fred Savage nominated for Worst Director (Daddy Day Camp) is indeed the same Fred Savage who was the youngest nominee ever for the Best Actor Emmy back in the late 80s for playing Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years. My, how the mighty have fallen!

And the nominees are…

Worst Picture
Bratz
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Norbit
Worst Actor
Nicolas Cage in GHOST RIDER, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS and NEXT
Jim Carrey in THE NUMBER 23
Cuba Gooding, Jr. in DADDY DAY CAMP and NORBIT
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) in NORBIT
Adam Sandler in I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Worst Actress
Jessica Alba in AWAKE, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER and GOOD LUCK CHUCK
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye (A Four-for-One Deal!) in BRATZ
Elisha Cuthbert in CAPTIVITY
Diane Keaton in BECAUSE I SAID SO
Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey) in I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota) in I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Worst Supporting Actor
Orlando Bloom in PIRATES OF THE CAROB-BEAN: AT WIT’S END
Kevin James in I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) in NORBIT
Rob Schneider in I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Jon Voight in BRATZ, NATIONAL TREASURE 2, SEPTEMBER DAWN and TRANSFORMERS

Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Biel in I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY and NEXT
Carmen Electra in EPIC MOVIE
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) in NORBIT
Julia Ormond in I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Nicolette Sheridan in CODE NAME: THE CLEANER

Worst Screen Couple
Jessica Alba & EITHER Hayden Christensen (AWAKE) OR Dane Cook (GOOD LUCK CHUCK) OR Ioan Gruffudd (FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER)
Any Combination of Two Totally Air-Headed Characters in BRATZ
Lindsay Lohan & Lindsay Lohan (as The Yang to Her Own Yin) in I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) & EITHER Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) OR Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) in NORBIT
Adam Sandler & EITHER Kevin James OR Jessica Biel in I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Are We Done Yet? (Remake/Rip-Off of MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE)
Bratz (A Rip-Off If Ever There Was One!)
Epic Movie (Rip-Off of Every Movie it Rips Off)
I Know Who Killed Me (Rip-Off of HOSTEL, SAW and THE PATTY DUKE SHOW)
Who’s Your Caddy (Rip-Off of Caddy Shack)
Worst Prequel or Sequel
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Daddy Day Camp
Evan Almighty
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
Worst Director
Dennis Dugan for I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Roland Joffe for CAPTIVITY
Brian Robbins for NORBIT
Fred Savage for DADDY DAY CAMP
Chris Siverston for I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Worst Screenplay
Daddy Day Camp, Screenplay by Geoff Rodkey and David J. Stem & David N. Weiss
Epic Movie, Written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
I Know Who Killed Me, Written by Jeffrey Hammond
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Screenplay by Barry Fanaro and Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor
Norbit, Screenplay by Eddie Murphy & Charles Murphy and Jay Sherick & David Ronn
Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Captivity
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
I Know Who Killed Me

Repo should repo itself

Enrique — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 16:25:19 +0000

Below is the trailer for Repo: The Genetic Opera. I don’t know what to say, other than this is really, really horrible! This is like Snakes on the Plane horrible! The music is straight out of the 80s.

Eli Roth doesn’t want you to watch his movies

Enrique — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 19:41:59 +0000

Let me preface by saying I can understand where he’s coming from; moviemaking is indeed a business, and the business can’t succeed if it doesn’t make money. And a movie can’t make money if people are downloading it for free online.

But c’mon, that’s not why Hostel Part II tanked at the box office. According to this interview on MTV.com, Eli Roth blames piracy, and goes as far as saying that the type of people who would watch his movies are the ones that do the most pirating; “I don’t want those fans,” are his exact words. So basically he’s saying, “fuck those of you who like my movies.”

But if you read between the lines, what he’s really saying is, “the reason why Hostel II tanked is because everyone was downloading it instead of paying to watch it.”

Hmmm… could it just be that no one gave a crap? No, piracy is why Hostel II only made $18mil in the U.S. over 4 weeks (the first one opened to $19mil, by comparison). It had nothing to do with the bad marketing choices (what’s with the trailer in German?) or the fact that it just looked lame.